Finishing up our Queer+ Voices series for the month, here's an interview with Tori Roze, multi-talented artist, actress, writer, musician, model, Reiki practitioner, and performance coach who proudly identifies as a pansexual (“not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity") queer (“an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities who are not heterosexual and cisgender - cisgender denotes or relates to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex") womxn (“an alternative spelling of woman, used especially in intersectional feminism a to avoid the suggestion of sexism perceived in the sequences m-a-n and m-e-n, and to be inclusive of trans and nonbinary womxn").

LBP: Tell us a little bit about your coming out experience(s). How has life changed for you since being “out”?
TR: The 1985 film Just One of the Guys, starring Joyce Hyser, was my initial queer confirmation. Her androgyny spoke directly to my little heart and gave me butterflies. I watched that movie, on repeat, when I was about 7 or 8 years old, maybe even earlier. I recognized something in her that existed in me; as I have always felt a strong sense of both my masculine and feminine sides despite the onslaught of societal pressure to exclusively “be a girl.” I’m magnetized to androgyny because it lives in the “grey area” of visually defining someone – it’s revolutionary. Androgyny is my favorite visual human expression because it neither denies nor confirms what is an acceptable gender performance. It just is.

In realizing my attraction to alternative forms of gender expression, I kept my hair short from the age of 8-15. When I was 12, I began to walk around my neighborhood in broad day light dressed as a boy. Baggy pants, loose shirt, backwards hat, super short hair, and skate shoes. My boobs hadn’t fully developed yet, so I felt like I could get away with it. The whole thing was part experiment and part comfortability: I wanted to see if anyone would even recognize me, to be honest (they didn’t). And since theatre was so prominent in my upbringing, I didn’t even question the fact that I liked dressing up in what some might consider “costumes” regularly. At some point I realized that we were all wearing costumes and performing in our own daily lives. And when you realize that, it’s yours to take advantage of so that you feel authentic in your own outward expression. I am not attracted to gender, either: I am attracted to the person and their heart, one hundred percent.

I found myself seeking out others who felt the same as I did towards gender expression. That’s when I discovered high-school theatre. The thespians (theatre-related peeps) at my school were extra in all the right ways (myself included). We were like a tight-knit family of intelligent weirdos who didn’t care what anyone thought. We needed that mutual support in order to find out where we wanted to fit into the world, not where we were being forced to. We are all still friends to this day. But high school is formative, and two specific things that brought to light my own sexuality happened in tandem, when I was 16 years old: Angelina Jolie in the movie Gia – who she played was vulnerable and gritty; full of fallibility and intrinsic beauty. I adored her reckless abandon to love and wanted such a passionate person in my own romantic life. The second thing that would change the trajectory of my future
was being kissed a friend of mine, who happened to be a girl.

High on the internal magic I felt after “the kiss to change all kisses” occurred, I ran to my high school sweetheart and disclosed the whole event...in detail. As someone who knew me extremely well and genuinely cared about my well-being, he suggested that I break up with him to explore this idea of dating womxn. He was my perfect mirror. He not only knew, but he embraced and accepted that I was interested in the same sex. Sometimes I can’t believe how mature our relationship was for a couple of sixteen-year-olds. It wouldn’t be until I was 21 years old that I would officially come out, though. I was only in serious relationships with men up until that point, with the occasional sexual encounter, lady-style. I knew I was bisexual in the physical sense, but I didn’t know how deeply homoromantic I was until I had experienced a real relationship with another womxn.

I was directing The Vagina Monologues at University of CA, Santa Cruz, where I was surrounded by 34 sexually-liberated womxn for several months in a row. There is nothing in the world that compares to that amount of awakened femxle energy – it’s electric. It was at this time that I finally took it upon myself to explore dating a femxle. It felt right and was supported in my current environment. At 21 years old, I couldn’t hide my new girlfriend, nor did I want to. I was elated to have found love and wanted to shout it from the rooftops! Love is SO beautiful, it’s a shame to have to hide that joy from anyone.

My younger sister was the first person I told. All of a sudden, things from our childhood started to make sense to her and she lit up with excitement. My parents and I are performers, meaning our lives are filled with creatives and people from different walks of life - so I was welcomed and accepted after a short period of time. My parents had to lay to rest the person who I’d been in their eyes for so long and the loss of those whom I used to be with. But something I love about my parents is their ability to grow and evolve. Once they saw my true happiness, they shared in that happiness by fully accepting who I was – and that’s really lucky.

Honestly, when all was said and done, it came as no surprise to anyone that I was queer– which is my personal identifying word of choice – it covers it all for me because there’s more non-specific room within it to move about because I feel like I exist within the fluid grey area. I know I am very fortunate to have been so well received. Personal authenticity was always encouraged and my upbringing supported that type of self-discovery. I’ve been a part of the queer community peripherally since I was a child; I’ve never felt so at home as I do here.

LBP: How do other aspects of your identity intersect (or perhaps clash) with your sexuality?
TR: I am white, curvaceous, and femme (feminine) looking, which often gives men and womxn alike the idea that I am a straight cis woman (meaning female, heterosexual, and heteroromantic). This assumption allows me to go into spaces where “others” are not normally permitted – which I see as a sort of personal rebellion on behalf of the queer community. And since I appear to be “straight” to the general public, there is usually a verbal or written instance where I publicly acknowledge that I am, in fact, queer. I have come out every single day because of the way I look.

One of my favorite things is to dismantle people’s assumptions of who I am based on how I look. These moments serve as short-hand educational lessons where my very existence begs for one to “not judge a book by its cover.” Because of my shape and the way I dress, I’m automatically sexualized. Because of how I present, I don’t market myself in a sexy way on purpose. The stereotypical mainstream beauty that prescribes to the male gaze – no thank you. I’m more of a funny girl full of conviction who wants you to actually listen to her words, not a girl who wants you to want her.

Music has allowed me the room to fully realize and express myself as an artist more than any other art form that I practice. Music isn’t based on what you look like. My foundational roots will always reside in the full-spectrum production realm of musical theatre, but music has my heart. I work and live in the fields of music, theatre, healing, body-positivity, and the arts. I very well might cease to participate in everything if I wasn’t allowed to find solace in each of these respective circles where I feel seen, heard, and truly understood.

The Diversionary Theatre in University Heights (San Diego) is one of the oldest queer theatres in the nation. When I graduated college in 2005 from the extremely forward-thinking and liberal-minded University of California, Santa Cruz; I moved back to San Diego to do productions there for a few years. I wanted to immerse myself in the queer theatre scene. It was nice to not only be cast for my talent, but for my queerness too – that finally counted for something. And because that counted, I felt like I was actually being seen as a whole person.

Conversely, there were always roles available in the mainstream theatre for me because my queerness didn’t walk through the door before I did. Not to mention that the shows being produced didn’t even include a role like that – it was too taboo. It saddens me that there are not nearly enough theatres or playwrights producing shows including queer femxle roles. I haven’t had many opportunities to play a role that resonates with a large portion of my identity unless it’s being offered specifically at a queer theatre. It’s still not ok to be queer, unless you are a male, in mainstream theatre. The theatrical art form seems to be an endless work in progress when it comes to relating to the current moment: continually striving towards it and rarely delivering…Which is why I have spent the majority of my time almost exclusively in music for the past twelve years.

Alignment with my personal beliefs is a big deal in all of my endeavors. I try to put forth a positive representation of queer culture any and everywhere I go by helping to highlight (through performance) the varying identities within our community. These spaces are sacred to the protection of otherness. “When you know better, do better” (Maya Angelou).

LBP: Pride is a celebration of liberation but also an acknowledgement of struggle, resistance, and revolution. Where do you see yourself in that celebration? Where do you see yourself in that struggle?TR: Pride means having integrity and standing up for what you believe in. Pride means we see and acknowledge each other. Pride means love wins. You love who you love and it’s not a choice. To be able to love whom my heart wants to without being persecuted or exiled is a big deal. That’s why I choose to stay in the United States – the pursuit of freedom. Although in this political climate, it’s sad to think that after all of the years of fighting for the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community, that the government could so easily exploit humanity’s current vulnerability. Every single person in the world deserves to feel free to love whomever they want without fear of judgement. The only time anyone should concern themselves with who I am sleeping with is if I’m trying to sleep with them. In other words: if I’m not going to bed with you, move along and mind ya business.

As it stands, activism is an every-single-day endeavor. On the NYC Subway, there is a saying that goes, “if you see something, say something.” This saying resonates with me. I care deeply about equality and fair-treatment of my fellow humans, whether we personally agree on things or not. Maybe that can be chalked up to my life-experience, because my circumstance is quite different than many others, but we each have our point where we were moved to engage in politics.

Childhood definitely shaped me as both a lover and an activist. I have a sister with special needs. That in and of itself has placed a beautiful filter over the entirety of my life. Because of my sister Autumn, compassion is at the forefront of who I am. Being protective towards those without voice or those who cannot protect themselves is how I unapologetically live. My parents didn’t have much to give us in terms of money and material possessions, but we did have love and support. That is the proud torch I carry with me wherever I go, no matter what the cause.

At the age of six, I was a lower-class white kid being bussed into primarily Black and Latino neighborhoods for elementary school in order to attend the magnet programs they had. These programs, specializing in different subjects like marine biology, physical education, performing arts, etc., brought kids together from all over the county, creating a mixed salad of culture and ethnicity. This provided my life a strong backbone wherein I honor and appreciate the difference between myself and the person next to me. I revere that difference; life would be so boring otherwise. And because I revere that difference, I protect that difference so that someday a little kid like me can fall deeply in love with their fellow humans all over again. Black Lives Matter. Brown Lives Matter. LGBTQIA+ Lives Matter. Those who are different than me matter. We are equal.

Speaking of equality, I’ve been married to the person of my dreams for the past three years. I’ve never been as happy and secure in myself as I am now. I fought for the right to marry by attending rallies and protests, voting, writing, calling, and by showing the eff up for years. To have a right (that I actually wish to exercise) bestowed upon me within my lifetime is astonishing and that’s called progress.

Happiness is infectious and contagious. This is what pride is promoting – the right to be happy and live in your personal truth. When people refer to living authentically, this is the exact thing to which they are referring. Do you find it a strange coincidence that the definition of the word “gay” literally means happiness? I sure don’t. Hate takes up a lot of energy and poisons the internal functioning system of a human. My belief is that you cannot truly hate anything that you have come to a level of understanding with (ex: you’ve spoken to people who have experience with said thing, or read about its contextual/historical point of origin). I’m here to continually promote mutual understanding and the abolition of hate at every turn I can.

LBP: As an artist, how does your “queerness" or sexual orientation show up in your creative work?
TR: Queerness is peppered throughout my creative life’s work. UCSC was a hotbed for queer life and expression, so it really began there for me. I’m stoked that being queer was so well- supported – enough so that I could come into my own both personally and creatively.

When writing lyrics, I typically like to use the word “you” when referring to someone – it leaves the song open to be universally relatable. There are a handful of times where I’m intentional about the fact that I like/love someone of the same gender. It’s a lot more-rare for me to do so, but when I specifically want the listener to take that in, I refer to her/she. Essentially, I want to perk the audience’s ears up to make sure they are paying attention in those moments. I also want to take the personal vulnerability a step further by essentially outing myself in those songs to prove that you can create a sound like mine (funky-jazzy-neo-soul) and be queer too. We come in all kinds of packages, y’all!

Songs where I allude to queer relations (whether or not I use she/her) are: Fibbin,’ Sweet Drank, Do You, I Try, She Does Not, Animal Instinct, Love Heroin, Bad Half, Selfless, Show Me, Oh Lord Please, Slow Down, Irish Coffee, Hiccup, and Just Say No. Just Say No digs into queer relations of all sorts, as it touches on the subject of one-night-stands and ulterior motives between all of the sexes. You can check out these tunes firsthand on iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, Bandcamp, Rhapsody, YouTube, etc. by searching for Tori Roze and The Hot Mess.

LBP: What queer-centered artists, shows, films, podcasts, authors, etc. are you into right now?
TR:
Authors/Playwrights: Roxanne Gay, Florence Given, Dr. Faith G. Harper, Kim Yaged, Patricia Cotter.

Books: Unf#ck Your Intimacy by Dr. Faith G. Harper***this book will change your life!

Shows/Films: These Thems (YouTube), Rupaul’s Drag Race (VH1), POSE (FX or Netflix), Legendary (HBO max), The F Word: A Foster-to-Adopt Story (www.thefwordseries.com), We're Here (HBO), Black Lady Sketch Show (HBO), The L Word (Showtime), Vida (Starz), Lip Service (Hulu or Netflix), Sense 8 (Netflix), Dragula (Netflix), Straight Up (Netflix).

LBP: What are some of your favorite LGBTQ+ organizations or businesses you'd recommend our readers look into, buy from, donate to, volunteer for, etc.?
TR:
​Building Allies – learn how to be an awesome, informed, and impeccable ally for anyone who needs it.

The LGBTQIA+ Center, San Diego – a place for resources and programs specifically designed to benefit and aid those in the queer community.

We Are WildFang – gender non-conforming clothing. 

Bindle and Keep – bespoke suits for all genders and body types.

The Marsha P Johnson Institute – support for black trans lives.

LBP: Is there anything else you'd like to mention in closing?
TR: Queer Folx Making Music, a night full of queer live original music, will be continuing with livestream performances. We had an incredible premier evening of performance back on March 5, 2020 at Gossip Grill and will be shifting the format online via livestream on September 3, 2020, thus expanding our reach and participation (Instagram Profile for viewing - @torirozebutt). Performers include Lindsay White, The Extraordinary Gentlemen, Abby Posner, and Lillian Lefranc. Tune into Instagram Live on September 3 at 6-8pm PST!

To connect with Tori Roze, visit http://www.torirozeandthehotmess.com/! We hope you enjoyed our Queer+ Voices series!

LBP: Pride is a celebration of liberation but also an acknowledgement of struggle, resistance, and revolution. Where do you see yourself in that celebration? Where do you see yourself in that struggle?
ADN: : When I first came out in '81, everything had to be a secret. You risked losing everything or being the target of violence. I created a family of queer friends, and we all grew up together. We would party and celebrate our sexuality wherever we could . At each other's houses, beach parties, and under 21 clubs. But you were always careful. We were just heading into the AIDS crisis, and I began to experience the cruelty of the Christian fundamentalism. Mr. Rev. Jerry Falwell was not going be satisfied until homosexuals were erased from the earth, and he was tied into the Republican Party agenda (sound familiar?). I got a crash course in politics as my male friends acquired AIDS and began to die. Mr. Reagan wasn't concerned that a bunch of fags were dying. One friend of mine died with no family around him; as he called out for his mom, his gay friends comforted him. Although we called his mom, she disowned him in his time of need for being gay.

Going to a Pride parade was courageous then. There was a fear someone you weren't out to would see you or a newspaper would take your picture. The Fundys would picket 6th Avenue and tell you you were going to hell. But we went, we marched, we found each other. Just having the freedom then to march was paid for by countless others who endured arrests, loss of families and careers. The AIDS crisis created a powerful movement in the LGBT+ community, they pushed back, they organized, they spoke out, they petitioned. The freedom I see today blows me away. It also was bought and paid for by so many people before me. My heroes were artists they helped to change public opinions and perceptions. Kind of like the pre-Ellen era and post-Ellen era. The artists of the 80s and 90s led the way in gender expression, social activism. They saved my sanity.

Today I'm not tied to the fear of people finding out. I just assume it's obvious I'm gay. I was honored to attend my niece's graduation where she and her female partner held a long embrace and kissed on the field after she received her diploma. My father and family members were all there and no one even flinched. It was then I felt that what I went through was all worth it, for the freedom they had to love each other publicly, without question. I was so proud in that moment, for them, for me, for all of us.

​LBP: As an artist, how does your “queerness" or sexual orientation show up in your creative work?
ADN: Over the last few years I've been performing traditional love song duets with two women singing them. I try to change the gender norms of the songs. Music is how I process all of my thoughts and feelings from my experience a gay person.​

LBP: What queer-centered artists, shows, films, podcasts, authors, etc. are you into right now?
ADN: Comedian and political satirist Randy Rainbow, Indigo Girls, Brandi Carlile​

​​LBP: What are some of your favorite LGBTQ+ organizations or businesses you'd recommend our readers look into, buy from, donate to, volunteer for, etc.?
ADN: San Diego Pride, The Center, Mama's Kitchen

To connect with Alisandra Del Nero, subscribe to her YouTube channel! Stay tuned throughout the month of July for more Queer+ Voices interviews!

Step 1: Identify Your Communities
(transcription here for accessibility)

​Next up in our Queer+ Voices series, we'll be featuring musician, songwriter and music instructor Veronica May who proudly identifies as a lesbian.

​Tell us a little bit about your coming out experience(s). How has life changed for you since being “out”?
VM: Looking back, my first crush was kindergarten. I didn’t even question my sexuality until I was 21. I remained in the closet for over a year after until I was outed one too many times. I finally surrendered. It might be assumed that a small-town Catholic family would turn their backs away from me, but they never took their love away. I know it took some time for them to accept it, and sadly, immediate family members admittedly believe what I’m doing will send me to hell. But they always ask how my partner is doing and genuinely care about the response. It’s a hard truth, and yet I can still find the love to share. ​

​​LBP: How do other aspects of your identity intersect (or perhaps clash) with your sexuality?
VM: Being a more butch woman, I generally only notice a difference with how I’m treated by men. Once I cut my hair, it was like I was one of the guys. My male barbers through the years would make sexist jokes and I’d nervously laugh along. Like I wasn’t a woman. I also seemed to get more respect as a musician. I was in a duo with Lindsay White, a more feminine presenting woman. She noticed whenever we’d get to a gig, the sound person would always come to me for technical issues.

LBP: Pride is a celebration of liberation but also an acknowledgement of struggle, resistance, and revolution. Where do you see yourself in that celebration? Where do you see yourself in that struggle?
​VM: Lately I have found myself grieving for the community and on another level grieving for the injustices that go beyond sexuality and gender identity. Our communities of color. It took far too many black people dying in the name of racism for me to wake up.

LBP: As an artist, how does your “queerness" or sexual orientation show up in your creative work?
​VM: Lots of love songs through the years. I think as a baby lesbian I would have liked hearing a woman sing a line like, “I love her” instead of “I love him.” Representation really does matter. Off the top of my head I can’t think of a popular song that does this even now.

LBP: What queer-centered artists, shows, films, podcasts, authors, etc. are you into right now?
VM: Lindsay White always and forever.

​LBP: What are some of your favorite LGBTQ+ organizations or businesses you'd recommend our readers look into, buy from, donate to, volunteer for, etc.?
Lady Brain Presents would be at the top of my list.

LPB: Open mic - Is there anything else you'd like to mention in closing?
I’ll be releasing a music video later this year about white privileged titled, “Bad Wolves.” Other musicians in the collaboration were Miki Vale, Rebecca Jade, Becca Jay, Meghan Lowery, and Jason Mraz.

To find out more about Veronica May, visit http://veronicamay.com/. Stay tuned throughout the month of July for more Queer+ Voices interviews!

Tell us a little bit about your coming out experience(s). How has life changed for you since being “out”?
​LP: Coming out occurred soon after my first son was born. it was difficult due to religious family members not being happy or very supportive in the beginning. It is much better now, but there is still religious bigotry unfortunately. By being out in and outside of work now, my life is 100 times better. I can be totally authentic with everyone.

​LBP: How do other aspects of your identity intersect (or perhaps clash) with your sexuality?
LP: In addition to being queer, I've had to deal with misogyny as far back as I can recall. I've always fought against it by striving to be at least two times better in everything I do. I have a proverb on a banner in my home that says, “To be considered equal, a woman must perform twice as well as a man. Fortunately, this is not difficult." I feel my actions and the results of those actions speak louder than words.

LBP: Pride is a celebration of liberation but also an acknowledgement of struggle, resistance, and revolution. Where do you see yourself in that celebration? Where do you see yourself in that struggle?
​LP: Although there is still much to be done, I've witnessed tremendous progress over the last three decades in LGBTQ+ rights all over the world. I celebrate those moments, those wins every year during Pride, pay homage to those who fought for our rights, and work towards leaving a better world for future generations. Just this year's Pride season, I've seen and participated in an allyship between LGBTQ+ Pride organizations and #BlackLivesMatter, which is amazing. We need to be strong community members and strong allies.

LBP: As an artist, how does your “queerness" or sexual orientation show up in your creative work?
​LP: It does all the time! Most recently, my band The Resizters released a live performance video for Pride 2020 and in support of #BLM. This video was and will be featured in: OUT Central Oregon virtual pride; SD Pride headliner for their virtual pride event on July 18; Seattle Pride will feature the vid in their post Pride bonus content; Listen Local Radio has featured the audio of the vid in their July 2020 show; and, we shared with #GlobalPride hashtag and @globalpride2020 social media tag to participate in the first ever Global Pride event June 27.

I'm also an employee resource group (ERG) leader for Live Nation's Pride Nation LA Chapter. I get to create and plan fun LGBTQ+ events and volunteer opportunities at the company as a part of my job. 

LBP: What queer-centered artists, shows, films, podcasts, authors, etc. are you into right now?
​LP: I really enjoyed all the artists and speakers who participated in the recent GlobalPride2020.org virtual event on June 27. Just being able to see talks and performances from all over the world in a 24 hour period was absolutely amazing. Over 57 million people attended the live event.

I also love to watch Randy Rainbow's political satire videos, not necessarily queer-centered but definitely queer produced and cathartic with all that's going on currently in the world of crazy politics. Randy is very talented.

Locally, my fave queer music artists include: Mishelle Banaga and Cora Hepburn of Ingénue, Tori Roze, Celeste Barbier, Rhythm Turner, The Banduvloons, Mel Peters-Paisley and Valerie Hardie of The Resizters, Veronica May, Alisandra Del Nero, Lisa Sanders and Lindsay White.

LBP: What are some of your favorite LGBTQ+ organizations or businesses you'd recommend our readers look into, buy from, donate to, volunteer for, etc.?
LP: Locally, the San Diego LGBT Center is a great one-stop resource for all things LGBTQ+ related (events, programs, services). They are currently raising emergency funds for the LGBTQ+ community during the COVID-19 pandemic - please donate if you can! Also, the San Diego Equality Business Association, which is our local LGBTQ+ and Ally chamber of commerce. More broadly, I've been focusing more attention on #BlackTransLivesMatter efforts. There's an excellent list of information, resources, actions and links available here. Lastly, please support the Arts! We need them now more than ever!

​LPB: Open mic - Is there anything else you'd like to mention in closing?
LP: Thank you Lady Brain Presents for the opportunity to participate in this interview! I'm looking forward to reading and learning more from other interviewees. Also, I'm getting married on July 25! Me and my fiancée Lauren Hermas will have our ceremony over Zoom to avoid an in-person gathering and keep everyone safe. Instead of receiving any wedding gifts, we are asking attendees to donate what they can to the Trevor Project.

Next up in our Queer+ Voices series, we'll be featuring vocalist and songwriter Celeste Barbier, who proudly identifies as a lesbian woman.

​Tell us a little bit about your coming out experience(s). How has life changed for you since being “out”?
CB: The first time I realized I was queer was my senior year in high school. I always thought something was different as I had no interest in boys, but at the time I was living in the Bible Belt in The Woodlands, TX, and I really was hesitant to come out. I ended up with a full vocal performance scholarship to Chapman University in Orange County, CA and came out right away when I moved to Cali. I immediately became an activist and vocal about being LGBTQ+ and got involved with campus organizations and volunteering as a celebrity escort for GLAAD.

At this time my family had stopped talking to me, but I called up my mom to tell her I had met celebrities like Liz Taylor and Shirley McClain. She asked how I met them. I said, “At the GLAAD Awards." She asked what is that? I replied, “The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation." She asked why I would be at that. I said, “Because I am in the LGBTQ+ group at campus and they asked us to volunteer." She said what kind of group is that. I told her. She asked why am I in this group. I told her, “Because I am a lesbian, Mom!" Her reply? “No you aren't. You are way too feminine to be gay and if you are it is just a cop out for trying to understand and love the opposite sex. It is the easy way out!"

I was shocked by her response, especially because my Mom was so butch, she was referred to as “Sir," and as a flight attendant she had many gay friends! We never really spoke again, but I have always been very out and proud of who I am and my marriage to my wife in all spaces and places.

​LBP: How do other aspects of your identity intersect (or perhaps clash) with your sexuality?
CB: I was raised a Catholic, but I felt like I had no place in the church as a woman with no desire to be a mother or with a man or even a nun. I decided to make my great exit, and much to my mother's dismay, I dropped out of confirmation when I did not agree with the answers they gave me to my questions. First, I decided to explore Wicca, as Goddess worship of the feminine divine was so central to the beliefs, but it was still very much ritual-based, and I wanted to get away from that. I am very spiritual, and I do have a church I love called Agape Spiritual Center that embraces all people, which to me is paramount for any spiritual practice or community. Being gay was a large part of what made me seek a new relationship and experience with God.

LBP: Pride is a celebration of liberation but also an acknowledgement of struggle, resistance, and revolution. Where do you see yourself in that celebration? Where do you see yourself in that struggle?
CB: As a 39 year old woman when I became aligned with my queer identity in 1999, I realized how many rights were still being denied and how discrimination was allowed in housing (my first college dorm roommate asked to move out when she found out I was gay), work (I lost my first job because they found out I was gay), and military (when recruitment officers called I just told them I was gay and they hung up). I realized although some people generally accepted me, even pretended to be my friends, they would not support my obtaining equal rights to get married or adopt. They did not want me to have access to those rights! That was shocking and clarifying. I was finally able to celebrate a legally acknowledged marriage to my wife Rene in 2008. That will always be my biggest celebration for so many reasons.

I have always supported Civil Rights and want to support anyone and everyone to have equal rights regardless of their identity, and I get so fired up when I see new acts of prejudice and discrimination being created by politicians against LGBTQ+ people. I feel the need to acknowledge how far we have come and the changes made, but I think we really need to refocus on the work that needs to be done to protect the rights we have gained and continue the fight. In a way, I feel like having to cancel Pride celebrations this year in the midst of the pandemic and BLM protests, that we can and should take the time to refocus on who we are in this world and what we want to represent. For a long time, Pride became a queer party to show off our kinky fun side, but it still needs to be based on changing society perceptions and showing our diversity.

LBP: As an artist, how does your “queerness" or sexual orientation show up in your creative work?
CB: As an artist I am vocal in all my shows about my love for my wife. In fact my first album featuring my first original song is a dedication to her and our love. My next album, released on July 11, is a collaboration where I used her art on my album cover. She is an incredible artist, but unlike me, does not enjoy the spotlight, so I take every opportunity I can to share my spotlight with her. She is my muse and I am hers. Our lives are completely intertwined as are our creative outlets, but we both like to make our art and music accessible to all people so it can resonate with any audience. I would not call my music lesbian music or her art queer art, but to some it might be interpreted as such.

LBP: What queer-centered artists, shows, films, podcasts, authors, etc. are you into right now?
CB: I am very into the music of LP and I really enjoyed watching the series Pose and the historical relevancy. Between The Sheets is a great queer centered podcast with lesbian host, Gaye Anne Bruno. A lot of what I am into is centered around kindness and compassion and is queer inclusive but not specific to our community.

LBP: What are some of your favorite LGBTQ+ organizations or businesses you'd recommend our readers look into, buy from, donate to, volunteer for, etc.?
CB: I have always been a big supporter of the North County LGBTQ Resource Center which has had a huge impact in my community over the years. They do sensitivity training for the entire North County in schools, fire departments, police departments, city offices, and more. They do a lot to support trans youth and homeless LGBTQ+ youth.

LPB: Open mic - Is there anything else you'd like to mention in closing?
CB: We are one people with many faces, beliefs, and preferences. I hope to see the world celebrate diversity as we show there is nothing to fear. I want people to know love is love and compassion should always be the goal as well as using whatever talents we have to benefit whomever we can. We all have wounds and trauma to overcome, but none of us can survive without each other. Ultimately, no matter how many labels I wear, I am human and I am here to experience humanity, the dark and light, and to inspire and to live and to love. My only true desire in this life is to be a beacon of that light and to inspire the best in everyone I meet.

To find out more about Celeste Barbier, visit www.celestebarbier.com. Stay tuned throughout the month of July for more Queer+ Voices interviews!

Next up in our Queer+ Voices series, we'll be featuring drummer, music instructor, and audio engineer Jules Stewart, who proudly identifies as an androgynous-presenting lesbian womxn.

​Tell us a little bit about your coming out experience(s). How has life changed for you since being “out”?
JS: I grew up without knowing anything about homosexuality, but have dressed and presented as androgynous since I was very young. Because of my deeply religious upbringing, I had a massive amount of internalized homophobia (hatred toward myself) as I started to realize I was gay. As hard as I prayed and asked God to make me straight, it didn't work, so I started doing the work to understand myself as a whole person deserving of love (which I'm still working on).

When I came out to my parents, there was mourning of Biblical proportions, but my sister has been supportive and loving beyond my wildest dreams. I've also been incredibly lucky to have a wonderful friend family around me...best friends that have always loved me and wanted joy, true self-expression and a full life for me. The process of coming out and accepting myself has helped me to see the humanity, complexity, and beauty in all people just a little better. For me, it's been true that the more I release my own shame and guilt, the more fully I can love other people.

​LBP: How do other aspects of your identity intersect (or perhaps clash) with your sexuality?
JS: ​The experience of being an androgynous-presenting female drummer has been an interesting one! Female drummers can be fetishized or hired as anomalies because femininity and drumming have not been represented together very extensively in the media. I think my gender presentation has let me skip quite a bit of that, but it also puts me in a bit of a unique spot: not a male drummer for bands that would prefer that, not a hyper feminine drummer for bands that would prefer that...just a drummer trying to make every song as beautiful as it can be. It gives me the lovely knowledge that when I get hired, it's because of my playing and myself rather than my gender. I'd call that a win.

LBP: Pride is a celebration of liberation but also an acknowledgement of struggle, resistance, and revolution. Where do you see yourself in that celebration? Where do you see yourself in that struggle?
JS: I am incredibly grateful for the Black trans womxn who began and carried the fight for rights for the LGBTQ+ community. I also am learning more and more that the rights I enjoy (voting as a womxn, being able to get married as a lesbian, and many more) were direct consequences of the fight for equality waged by and for Black people. I believe that none of us are free until all of us are free, and it's hard to claim victory for the LGBTQ+ community when so many of our members are oppressed and in literal danger of death, including and certainly not limited to Black queer people, indigenous people, undocumented people, and trans people. Wherever we all find our place in the fight for equality, now is the time to find it.

LBP: As an artist, how does your “queerness" or sexual orientation show up in your creative work?
JS: I believe the process of loving and accepting myself as a queer person has made me more able to see beauty and truth in more of the world. It has also helped me trust my own creativity as valid and valuable. As I've become more accepting of my whole self, I've grown to love more styles of music and connect with a more diverse spectrum of art and expression. I believe being queer has shaped my entire outlook on the world and on the music I play. ​

LBP: What queer-centered artists, shows, films, podcasts, authors, etc. are you into right now?
​JS: Ooooh boy. Podcasts: Gay Church with Valerie Franco (I can't recommend this highly enough if you want to hear more about the interactions between being gay and being religious) and Transform - Beyond the Transition.

In terms of shows and movies: Disclosure and Feel Good are my two most recent favorites.

Books: Untamed by Glennon Doyle, Unapologetic by Charlene A. Carruthers, Wolfpack by Abby Wambach, and It's About Damn Time by Arlan Hamilton.

Other: Everything Cameron Esposito does.

LBP: What are some of your favorite LGBTQ+ organizations or businesses you'd recommend our readers look into, buy from, donate to, volunteer for, etc.?
​JS: Organizations: The Trevor Project, House of Resilience.

Businesses: SCEND fitness (my wife owns this!), DapperBoi (androgynous clothing that is awesome).

To find out more about Jules Stewart, visit https://julesstewartdrums.com/. Stay tuned throughout the month of July for more Queer+ Voices interviews!

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Next up in our Queer+ Voices series, we'll be featuring photographer, filmmaker, and author Sharisse Coulter, who proudly identifies as a woman. This entry in our series is a great time to point out that while we decided to use the word “queer" in the title of our series for its broad reach within the community, we recognize and acknowledge that this term doesn't necessarily speak to all of our interview subjects' identities and experiences. Moving forward, we'll be calling this series Queer+ Voices as a reminder of that! Now, onto the interview!

Tell us a little bit about your coming out experience(s). How has life changed for you since being “out”?
​SC: For most of my life I felt comfortable as a straight woman. I had only ever been attracted to men. At 38, I was attracted to a woman for the first time in my life. I had just ended my marriage and felt comfortable experimenting. It was nice, but I didn't have any big revelations about my sexuality. I let it go, considered myself straight, and continued dating men.

​About eight months ago I started dating a woman. Shortly thereafter I made the decision to tell my friends, family, and son. I was most concerned with my son's reaction. In part because she was the first person I'd introduced him to since his dad and I split up and also because he'd never known me to date a woman. When I asked him if he thought it was weird that I'd been married to a man and was now dating a woman he shrugged and said, “Not really. I know lots of lesbians." And then resumed the conversation about who would win in a matchup between a T-rex and a superhero. In that moment, and in the loving and supportive responses I got from friends and family, I recognized my privilege in being able to experiment, date and tell anyone I wanted without fear or rejection. It's a sign of the social progress made as well as being at a stage of my own life where I'm not looking for anyone's approval. For the most part I haven't been pressed to label myself, which is good because I still don't know what to say. But when their curiosity proves too much I usually just say, “I'm straight, but my girlfriend is a lesbian."

​LBP: How do other aspects of your identity intersect (or perhaps clash) with your sexuality?
SC: As an artist whose mission is to empower women through creativity, I find that my friend and professional circles are already very accepting and seamlessly integrated. I was raised in a conservative Christian environment in which acceptance at a younger age wouldn't have been a forgone conclusion, but even then, most of the disparaging comments I heard about being gay referred to men.

The main clash I've experienced is internalized prejudice that comes up when I challenge my own stories about myself. Straight no longer accurately describes me, but I don't feel any different than I did before. I'm simply in love with a woman. Sometimes, like when my girlfriend and I kissed on a sidewalk and a dude driving by hung out his window and yelled, “Yeah! Hey ladies!" I recognize that people behave differently with us than they do when I've been with men. Overall it feels like there is an “othering" that occurs in changing the way people see me, but mostly people are just uncomfortable with defining new parameters and language, not with the fact that I'm dating a woman.

Next up in our Queer Voices series, we'll be featuring singer-songwriter and music therapist Becca Jay, who proudly identifies as a lesbian. 

Tell us a little bit about your coming out experience(s). How has life changed for you since being “out”?
BJ: I came out when I was 21-years-old. It went as well as you might expect for someone with a family who had been largely involved in the church. We didn’t talk much for the following few years, aside from phone calls that mainly ended in yelling/shaming/tears. However, since coming out my personal life has blossomed in a way that I never imagined could be possible for me. I have never felt especially like “myself” until these last couple of years, and that is 100% a result of me being out. Honestly, I just feel like I can fucking breathe.

​LBP: How do other aspects of your identity intersect (or perhaps clash) with your sexuality?
BJ: I have a collection of memorable stories about being a young, queer woman working in music therapy with populations who profoundly disagree with my existence but required my services for growth or closure. It’s a strange intersection and consistently leaves me stranded in spaces that, even still, I never quite feel I’m allowed to take up. ​

LBP: Pride is a celebration of liberation but also an acknowledgement of struggle, resistance, and revolution. Where do you see yourself in that celebration? Where do you see yourself in that struggle?
BJ: Pride has been liberating in the sense that it has given me permission to celebrate vital parts of myself that had previously felt shameful or wrong, but has also illustrated to me that even among my marginalized identities, I am in the majority, and we have a lot of work to do.

LBP: As an artist, how does your “queerness" or sexual orientation show up in your creative work?
BJ: Most of my processing of being queer has created songs that I’ve kept to myself. I think I’ve always felt isolated in my experience, which of course isn’t entirely true, but has stopped me from feeling like I should share that part of my journey. Maybe someday I’ll feel differently, but as of now, the queer part of my identity is mainly expressed in love songs with female pronouns. Even so, I think this mainly confuses listeners, as they often seem more likely to think that I misspoke than think I could be in love with a woman.​

LBP: What queer-centered artists, shows, films, podcasts, authors, etc. are you into right now?
BJ: This is an area I lack in. I wish I had some good references - this is something I’m working on.

LBP: What are some of your favorite LGBTQ+ organizations or businesses you'd recommend our readers look into, buy from, donate to, volunteer for, etc.?
BJ: Uhhhhh Lady Brain. But for real.

To find out more about Becca Jay, visit https://www.beccajaymusic.com/. Stay tuned throughout the month of July for more Queer Voices interviews!

​Tell us a little bit about your coming out experience(s). How has life changed for you since being “out”?
LW: I came out several times to several people about a decade ago. It was gruesome and lonely and liberating all at the same time, and still is to an extent. At the time, I was married to a man I'd been with since I was 18. I'd been with womxn before, but only in circumstances that left me feeling ashamed because of my Christian upbringing (and my blood alcohol content, let's be real). I never considered for a second that I was gay until l found myself accidentally, undeniably in love with a friend who wasn't even sure she wanted to be with me. (Who could blame her, I was a hot mess). I had to decide if that realization alone, without the promise of a romantic relationship with that person, was worth the risk of blowing up my comfortable life and most important relationships, namely with my ex-husband and now-deceased mother. I still struggle a bit with unreconciled guilt, pain, and anger, but the reality is: there is no healthy, safe, or happy alternative to living authentically. Now, I wake up every day with my soul mate and feel so unbelievably grateful that we both made our way to each other. 

​LBP: How do other aspects of your identity intersect (or perhaps clash) with your sexuality?
LW: I personally (not speaking for others) found it impossible to be queer and Christian after I came out. When I think about how so many Christians utilize hate, fear, and ignorance to effectively keep folks from loving themselves and each other, it makes me want to scream into a pillow. When I think about how religion prevented me from having a relationship with my mother and continues to prevent me from having a relationship with my wife's family, it makes me want to not live in this world. I could never endorse a religion that would endorse that kind of pain. I look at the hate and fear in the eyes of folks protesting at Pride parades, screaming outside abortion clinics, throwing fits in Trader Joe's, pointing guns at Black people, and I can't help but wonder if they picked up that poison in a sermon somewhere as a kid. And I know, not all Christians are monolithically traumatizing children in the name of god. But that knowledge doesn't really save the traumatized kids. I love and respect many folks from many faiths, but Christianity is no longer my jam. It hurt to initially feel like I wasn't entitled to religion because all of these toxic people essentially peed around the concept of it for me. But over time, I've learned to develop a new framework and vocabulary around my spiritual practice: creativity is god, community is church, love is heaven. 

Still, it's pretty much impossible to escape Christian/hetero “norms." My wife and I are seeing firsthand how they permeate our healthcare system. As queer womxn, there's a double whammy there with reproductive and fertility rights. We're jumping through more hoops and spending more money all because folks in the government and healthcare industry think they should determine what a person can do with their body and what constitutes a family. It's extremely frustrating.

LBP: Pride is a celebration of liberation but also an acknowledgement of struggle, resistance, and revolution. Where do you see yourself in that celebration? Where do you see yourself in that struggle?
LW: Inside my house and my marriage, it's a Pride party every day! I know that our joyful existence is in and of itself an act of resistance, and I celebrate everyone and anything that made that kind of love attainable.

Outside my house, I will say that experiencing sexism and homophobia, particularly under the guise of Christianity, has helped me understand the roots of oppression and better empathize with folks who are harmed or made vulnerable by oppressive systems.  

​As for where I fit into that struggle, I watch local queer activists, particularly queer womxn of color, who are leading the charge not just for gay rights but for human rights, and I try to apply what I learn from them however and wherever I can. Their off-the-charts organizing skills and commitment to solidarity are likely the direct result of navigating complicated identity intersections, figuring out how to quickly create safe spaces (not only out of a desire for acceptance, but out of a need to survive), and having a deep love for and a sense of responsibility to their communities. I'm not trying to romanticize their struggle or fight because it's depleting and dangerous work, but if you're looking for lessons in leadership, all you have to do is pay close attention. When I'm tempted to retreat into my privilege, I think of them, and it motivates me to keep using whatever tools, talent, and privilege I have to do more and do better. 

LBP: As an artist, how does your “queerness" or sexual orientation show up in your creative work?
LW: I've been writing about being queer since I before I realized I was queer! Songs about feeling trapped, coming out, getting divorced, hating myself, being in love, getting my heart broken, religious hypocrites, getting married, feeling rejected, you name it. Add to that layers of grief from my mother's untimely death, and all I'm saying is you should probably take a box of tissue with you to my Spotify channel or Youtube page.

LBP: What queer-centered artists, shows, films, podcasts, authors, etc. are you into right now?
LW: I love how the queer and trans characters in The Chi have robust storylines- they're not just there to gawk at, and the audience has to get on board or get left behind. I also am so enamored by David's character in Schitt's Creek. The other characters poke fun at his many quirks, but never throw cheap shots at his sexuality. We wouldn't have authentic storytelling like this without queer folks like Lena Waithe and Daniel Levy at the helm. Representation matters!

As for queer musicians, I love The Harmaleighs, Julianna Zachariou, Miki Vale, Tori Roze, The Banduvloons, Rhythm Turner, Jules Stewart, Veronica May, Becca Jay, and the list goes on and on. For visuals, check out Sydney Prather, Alyssa Douglas of City6 Studios), Sharisse Coulter, and Eboni Harvey aka EB OF COURSE.
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LBP: What are some of your favorite LGBTQ+ organizations or businesses you'd recommend our readers look into, buy from, donate to, volunteer for, etc.?
LW: Grassroots mutual aid is where it's at. No bureaucracy, no BS, no brownie points; just an immediate redistribution of resources from folks who have a little extra to folks who don't have enough. Two examples of this with queer community organizers leading the charge are We All We Got SD and Black Womxn Deserve.

LBP: Is there anything else you'd like to mention in closing?
LW: I would encourage anyone living in the US who can say with a straight face that the personal is not political for them, to think about how insulated they are in their privilege. I believe this pandemic has ushered in an opportunity for us to decide what kind of people we want to be and what kind of communities we want to live in. We have to start taking care of each other, we have to stay engaged, and we have to stop waiting for someone else to do the work.

To find out more about Lindsay White, visit https://www.lindsaywhitemusic.com. Stay tuned throughout the month of July for more Queer Voices interviews!